What will you do when you realise that something you believe is false?
What will you do when you realise that your closest friend is not your friend after all?
Once, I believed that I was hearing God’s voice. Next, I was colouring in a psychiatric ward.
“Even the darkest night will end, and the sun will rise again” – Victor Hugo
It was a funny moment.
I heard a sermon on how to hear God’s voice.
And then, boom! I heard a voice.
Obviously, it’s God’s voice, right?
“Hey Jane, what if we buy the first meal deal? It has your favourite snack!” “Hmm, but the second meal deal is better in value?”
“Hey Jane, you will win in a national competition” “You get this, I believe in you!”
That was the convo that I had with the voice.
Calming? Checked.
Funny? Checked.
Guiding? Checked.
BUT, there is a but.
A summary of my life so far:
And boom! COVID happened.
A new voice appeared! However, this time, it wasn’t a friendly one. In fact, this one stressed me out.
I eventually told someone about the voice. I couldn’t cope with the voices anymore.
This whole time, I thought that when someone says, “I can hear God is telling me x,y,z…”, that means that they can hear it audibly. I was shocked when I learned that it was supposed to be a little nudge, not an audible voice.
And,
It started with:
First GP mental health visit,
First psychiatrist appointment,
Fiirst ambulance ride,
First Emergency Department visit,
And….
My first psychiatric ward admission!
If you tell me that I will ever meet with a psychiatrist (no offence) and, let alone, be admitted to a psychiatric ward? I will tell you that it’s more possible to find a needle in a haystack.
I used to believe that only crazy people go to a psychologist or psychiatrist, and turns out, I am not the only one. In my background, seeking help for your mental health is considered “weak”, that I don’t pray hard enough, or that I have done something wrong.
I still remember when I told my mom about the voices. She told me that I need to ask for God’s help. I was furious; I felt invalidated. Slowly, I realised that she is just a product of a deep-rooted stigma. I’m not saying that faith or religious leaders can’t help me, but sometimes, I also need mental health clinicians.
So you might be wondering, what about now?
And, what do the 4 lines at the beginning mean?
I’ll let you decide what those lines mean 🙂
For me, living the next and last meme of my writing:
To wrap up everything, let me give you a line from my favourite TED talk from Eleanor Longden:
“My voices were a meaningful response to traumatic life events, particularly childhood events, and as such were not my enemies but a source of insight into solvable, emotional problems.”
Written by Jane Hantanto
This blog features memes generate from Imgflip
